Well it seems like we all made it through Christmas this year! The days leading up to it made me question whether I would make it or not! But when you have family like we do, we can get there.
I dont know though, I think these next couple months are going to be really hard! Just the fact that its winter again has brought up a lot of memories and Im sure there's more to come.
I've actually been trying to prepare myself by planning ahead, well trying anyways. I cant tell if i'll need to keep myself busy and social to take my mind off of everything or keep to myself.
The first option seems nice because thats what I've been trying to do all year. Surrounding myself with good friends, old and new, makes me remember to count my blessings, so to speak. Like a reminder to look at what I have instead of focusing soley on what I've lost.
On the other hand, I've started to lean towards the keeping to myself thing. I only say that because i find myself ignoring everything so I can put on a strong, happy face for everyone. Thats tiring, i can't hide something so strong all the time. I like to think i can though.
Today I went and saw mom for the second or third time. I just sat out there staring out into space. I was just so overwhelmed with the thought that i've been hiding from so much! It's like i have to see that piece of stone to remember what im hiding from...if that makes any sense.
Anyways, obviously I'm still not completely adjusted to it all, it will take time...a lot of time for me! Luckily I've found someone who doesnt expect me to be happy and strong all the time but makes me feel happy and strong anyways! Pretty grateful for that!
Well thats it for now, hope everyone had a good Christmas and all that...bring on the new year.